This is irrelevant to manipulation, but I wanted to write about this, because it's important.
As many of you know, the deceased Austrian scientist has really traumatised me. Even though it's been 13 months since he's last passed--I'm affected. There's no denying the tactics he used to rip me apart would make me look like a saint. However, we shared one thing in common: our love for science. Ever since his death, I've suppressed my love for science because it reminded me of him. A few months ago, I thought I'd been healed; hence I explored my passion for molecular genetics once again. (He did human genetics).
The more I explored, the more I felt suicidal. I isolated myself to begin with, but I have gone through extreme measures to isolate myself, and avoid human contact. Anyone who reads articles about the causes of scientists who committed suicide, will often find typical reasons anyone would commit suicide. (This isn't to dismiss anyone's reasons for committing suicide).
With this article, I'm going to offer up a reason that I haven't seen: existential reasons/feeling insignificant mixed with physical/emotional isolation. Let's say the scientist is studying molecular genetics (an interest him and I shared)...the way I'm looking at it, is feeling extremely insignificant because when I looked at genes, all I can think is how small I feel.. /what's the point? Right, so our DNA creates these special instructions? And? IS that all we are? Does our personality stem from our genes? Is everything just pre-determined?
I realize that we can control our own thoughts but the thing with me is I genuinely do wonder about these things, in fact; I NEED to know these things because I feel these questions are the key to finding meaning to my life. Personally, I believe anything and everything can fit into a mathematical equation. For example, Oxycontin is released during intercourse with someone you love. In fact here's the forumla: C43H66N12O12S2
Once you're able to place these complex emotions into an equation, understand the psychological reason behind something like love... Then you wonder.. is this all there is? Looking above at this formula, if there's some way to manipulate the amount of Oxycontin released, you wouldn't ever feel the burden of loving someone. What about if you could intentionally turn off your fat storing genes.. i..e IRX-3 & 6 and eat whatever you wanted? See, all of these "human" problems like unrequited love, and self image issues such as your own genes working against you.. science is the way to cheat your way out of these problems--without having to work for it, and live the life you want. Even with ageing, imagine being able to find a way to length & strength your telomeres?
Him and I, and I'm sure other scientists look at human issues on a molecular level. What genes are at play? How can we solve this issue? You want to be a better student? Okay, what genes are at play here? In emotional pain? What genes are at play here? And how can we manipulate it?
And you know what this equates to? Not being to see the fun in life, because the fun in life is simply serotonin and dopamine released, and/or other hormones depending on your activity/the person you are with/your environment.. and if we cannot manipulate and solve these things to carry less burdens such as emotions, physical insecurities--then the existential crisis/insignificant feeling kicks in. If I can't solve the issue as to why I've fallen in love with someone I don't want to love via molecular genetics or a mathematical equation, life is hard. These genes are the key to everything. But none of us ever got the key.. so what's the point...?
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