I've been working on revising my first book, and thought I'd share how Ideals, insecurities and lacks can go hand in hand. Here's a section from the updated version!
When we were children, we believed we were perfect. Then, someone close to us told us otherwise; our noses were too bulbous, or we had potbellies. Insecurities develop because we do not feel secure in a specific area of our lives. Most people will deny their insecurities, and find something to make them feel better about their insecurities, or compensate in another area of their lives. The people that make us feel good about our insecurities are a part of our ideals.
One of my targets “Nate” appeared as someone who had it all. What he didn’t have was any social experience, or romantic experiences in life--despite him being a decade older than me. Ideals, insecurities and lacks can go hand in hand. With Nate’s case, his lack (social/romantic experience/skills), became what he was insecure about. I fulfilled his lacks, firstly by making him feel comfortable around me. I did this because I noticed he would look up, think about a smooth response--which would take minutes. Instilling a sense of security within him allowed him to feel as if “he could be himself.” Being himself meant no more searching for clever answers, awkward replies were more than accepted--even encouraged.
After my acceptance of his awkward self, I would make him feel like no other woman would: like he was the best lover I'd ever had. I did hint at having several lovers (more than he could ever have in his lifetime). That hint--he took.
In addition to him being the best lover, I made him believe that I indeed thought he was the funniest of people I interacted with, laughed at all his jokes, validated his “clever” responses, and told him I wish I’d thought of that. Alleviating his insecurities were the only thing required of me because his insecurities created his ideals/suppressed sides/and unmet needs.
The way he acted towards me after I was through with him, was the complete opposite of how he’d normally act. Instead of his regular intellectual, witty self--his character became possessive, primal, cocky and smug. When I walked away, he lost all that confidence because I was the only person in his life to provide it.